Thinking of Death...

This morning, before I left for school and as I was hugging and kissing Spencer goodbye, I had an instant fear that I would get in a car crash on my way to school and would get severely injured or die.  I told Spencer about it and said if I died that he couldn't marry anyone else :)  I then left and continued to think about this fear.  While thinking about it, I realized that it was a fear because I am so happy with life right now.  I feel so blessed everyday to be where I am.  I feel happiness; not all the time but most of the time.  I feel like I have so much yet to accomplish and do.  I want to have a family with Spencer.  I want to be a mother, wife, and grandmother.  I want to graduate from my Master's program.  I want to live in New York.  I want to run a half-marathon.  I just feel like so much is on the horizon of my life and I'm just reaching the outskirts of it.  I have, at times in my life, thought of death as an escape from everything that was hard and wrong.  I no longer think of it that way.  I only want to die when I feel I have accomplished (including the hard stuff) all God has in store for me and I'm pretty sure he wants and needs me around for many more years and for that I am grateful.  Thank you mom for giving me life and thank you Heavenly Father for letting me live it.